What to Watch on Netflix If You're Single This V-Day
By Meredith Fuentes and Montserrat Vazquez-Posada
Valentine’s Day is overrated. There are false expectations, too much money involved, and you usually end up feeling worse about yourself than better. Instead of attending a bar night with countless other desperate singles, here are 14 things to stream on Netflix on this bizarre holiday.
1. Kill Bill (Vol. 1) & Kill Bill (Vol. 2)
This movie is the first of three Tarantino films on this list; anything directed by Tarantino is perfect for a lovely Valentine’s day due to the obscene amounts of violence. Throughout the film, Uma Thurman seeks revenge against people who did her wrong and who deserve to pay for it. Also, who doesn’t want to watch an empowered, strong woman literally kick ass with a samurai sword. BONUS: this movie is actually TWO movies so that’s TWICE as much blood, TWICE as much fighting, and TWICE as much Uma Thurman.
Women killing men? This is an obvious anti-Valentine’s Day movie. The adaption of the Broadway musical follows Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart as they fight for the publicity’s attention after killing their husband and lover, respectively. This movie will give you the old razzle-dazzle, and much, much more.
3. Joe Mande’s Award-Winning Comedy Special
Joe Mande is like that guy that lives on your floor whose only room decor is a poster of some political figure who has been photoshopped to smoke weed. AKA, he’s sort of a visionary. Mande gives two genius Shark Tank pitches and calls out ISIS on how it could revamp its media presence; if comedy doesn’t work out, at least we know he has some backup plans. He’ll make you wish he was single, but the bit about he and his wife’s relationship will make you wish you weren’t.
4. The Dark Knight
It has been ten years since its release, and no other superman movie has quite lived up to The Dark Knight. The sequel to Batman Begins, it is arguably the best movie in the trilogy, and this is mostly due to Heath Ledger’s incredible performance. He transforms from an Australian heartthrob to an insane, ruthless criminal who is set on exposing Batman’s identity. Watching the Joker and Batman face off on Gotham’s Lowest Fifth (AKA, Chicago’s’ Lower Wacker Drive) is exhilarating. This movie is a must-watch on any day of the year, but why not on V-day?
Someone once described Heathers as Mean Girls, but with murder. Veronica (played by Winona Ryder) and JD (played by Christian Slater) are a hot duo that go on casual killing sprees together, but Veronica soon realizes she has to stop JD before he takes out everyone in their high school. This dark comedy is not your typical high school movie, but its dramatic ending is the most teen-angst thing ever.
6. Pulp Fiction
Alright, Tarantino number two let’s go! This is a classic - like if you haven’t met at least three people with Pulp Fiction posters in their dorm rooms then you maybe need to expand your circle a bit. Pulp Fiction is filled with iconic monologues, crazy plot lines, and Samuel L. Jackson saying “motherf*cker” approximately 1,938 times. Hitmen Vincent Vega and Jules Winnfield are the main characters in the crazy, intertwined plot lines of this film. Take your mind off of your romantic troubles by watching all of the characters’ lives in this movie get hella screwed up.
7. Chelsea Peretti: One of the Greats
In a double whammy of iconography, ICON Chelsea Peretti, performs her 2014 stand up in the ICONIC Palace of fine arts, and dubs herself “one of the greats.” Peretti’s fast paced, sarcastic humor mirrors her role in Brooklyn Nine-Nine as “Gina Linetti.” One of The Greats is truly one of the best standups on Netflix. Peretti will have you laughing until February 15; she takes advantage of this Netflix special to reimagine what comedy shows should be for at-home viewers.
8. The Departed
This just HAD to be on the list. Five iconic actors all in one movie: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg and Alec Baldwin. The Departed glorifies life in the mafia in the most badass way. Don’t get me wrong, crime is bad. But DAMN does Jack Nicholson look cool selling drugs and breaking hands. These studs with Boston accents and broken pasts are guaranteed to make you forget about Chad from LA.
9. Sarah Silverman: A Speck of Dust
Sarah Silverman has been in the comic scene as long as men like Louis C.K., but she doesn’t rely on cringey sex stories and problematic jokes to carry an audience. She’s actually funny. Nay, hilarious. In her Netflix special, Silverman tells personal stories about her dad, her period, her dog and more. Silverman’s authenticity shines through in her ability to relate to her audience; it feels more like a conversation than a show. Regardless, this standup is amazing, and it will hopefully make you laugh your teary heartbreak away.
If you need a pick-me-up, if you need to be motivated, or if you need to be inspired, this is the Valentine’s Day movie for you. Miracle is based on the true story of the 1980 U.S. men’s Olympic hockey team and their training to take on the Soviet team in Lake Placid. The team faces obstacles, both personal and physical, throughout the film and they form a familial bond. Miracle will make you love America, hockey, and Eddie Cahill for delivering a flawless performance as goalie, Jim Craig.
11. I Love You, Man
Who’s ready for some BROMANCE???? I Love You, Man stars America’s heartthrob Paul Rudd and Rashida Jones. Rudd’s character, Peter Klaven, realizes that he lacks male friends and needs to find one quick to stand as his best man at his impending wedding. This bromantic comedy is perfect for a lowkey night with your closest pals. After all, aren’t friendships the purest form of everlasting love?
12. Ryan Hamilton: Happy Face
Ryan Hamilton has one of the biggest smiles you will probably ever see, and he knows it. “Where do you wanna begin?” he asks the audience right off the bat. “Should we start with my face? I always look like this.” From witnessing someone smoking crack on the metro, to weird hot air balloon rides, Hamilton seems to have seen it all. The Idaho native is single, just like many of you, but he’s desperate for that to change. That smile mixed with self-deprecating humor is bound to rope you in.
13. The Hateful Eight
The third and final Tarantino movie, The Hateful Eight, has all the violence and dramatic amounts of blood of the previous two on this list, but it is paired with an almost soothing type of storytelling. Kurt Russell and Samuel L. Jackson bring this movie to life as two bounty hunters caught in a sudden blizzard while transporting a desperate criminal, named “Daisy Domergue” to Red Rock; there’s the perfect amount of comedy and conflict throughout the THREE HOURS of this movie. What better way to spend Valentine’s Day than watching grown men be terrified of a woman escaping.
14. Sleeping with Other People
Alright so we’ve mislead you...because this movie is explicitly about love. Sleeping With Other People is a full on rom-com; however, it’s about how messy, confusing and hard love can be. Jason Sudeikis and Alison Brie play two best friends who struggle to find and keep love. This movie is the perfect film to remind you that no matter what happens, you are never alone, and no matter how screwed up your love life gets, it’ll work out in the end.